I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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