The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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