We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
