he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
