Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
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I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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