Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
