I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
