First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
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There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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