How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
