Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
