Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize