Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
