I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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