we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
is it fun? or sober?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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