Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
