He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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