I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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