my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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