Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
