Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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