Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
