I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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