she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
