Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
