I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
