He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
