but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
