They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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