My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
