Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
