Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Drunk is not a location!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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