He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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