Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
