She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
