two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
