How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
