ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
