I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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