I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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