Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
