I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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