i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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