is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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