chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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