Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
