Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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