Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
