I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
