i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
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Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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