I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
