if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
