we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
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i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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