I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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