maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
