What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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