call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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